Life’s a gift from God

December 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm (Family, Inner Self)

Yes, this is my first blog after 888 years i guess. But i guess this shall be a meaningful entry before the end of 2009.

This year, a lot has happened and i really must say that Life has greater and much more meaningful purpose for me. My life evolves around my family, Reen, cousins and Jaws SC. Of course, there’s school for me which i am already into my final 2 terms at this point. Work is out for me for now, as i pursue my degree and lead the charge for Jaws SC in terms of management of several tasks on a week to week basis.

The reason why i chose to post this is really because i want to assure people who know me, to know that my life may have a different purpose to them. To some, life’s about working and working, which i totally respect that. At some point of time, i will be working hard for my own independence, family support and even for my children. At 28 years old, being a full time student brings some critics for me, from who i am not fully aware of. Fair enough, one person stood out to ‘advise’ me by urging me to be more competitive to make myself more employable after June 2010. However, that doesnt allow him or anyone else to label me as someone who brings burden to my parents or someone who is happy to let Reen wait for me to go down on my knees. As an elder brother, perhaps, you might feel you have the God given authority to tell me how to handle my life. But please ask yourself first, have you really fulfil your own responsibilities and role of an elder brother. Being an elder brother to Ming, i not only scolds, advises or consoles Ming, but i really share my life as much as possible with him in terms of soccer, going out together regularly, having heart-to-heart talks. Most importantly, i show Ming that i am willing to accept him as who he is and his life goals and aspirations. As brothers, Ming and me share an intimate bond which we truly treasure. There are nobody else that i feel more grateful to have than my own parents, who supported me unconditionally all my life. I am thankful for all the love and care which they provides me with and it has been really fulfilling to be able to draw much closer to them during this ‘unemployment’ period of mine. During their difficult periods of worrying and crying about a major family problem, i am there to provide empathy and also love from a son. Nothing hurts more than to see your loved ones hurt, especially which the culprit is also someone i love too.

Life teaches me to value love, family, having a good sense of responsibility, being gracious and more importantly to be closer to God. At 28, i am better as a person being more toned down and looking to the future to be a son that never forgets his parents and being a responsible husband and father. Obviously, i am not the sort who tries to find excuses not to work. To achieve my family aspirations, i will need to generate a sound amount of income. This makes me wonder why did someone labelled me as a ‘burden’ to my family. Perhaps when you are not close to your siblings and closer to people who talked in such manner about me caused you to agree with them on this point. Perhaps, when you see more successful 28 year olds out there having better careers caused you to think that i am losing out to those people. Now, ask yourself this question: Are all those ‘’successful” 28 year olds you came across being blessed with getting such great unconditional love from parents and their family? Do you know? I bet you have no idea how they are doing in these aspects. What you get to see are all the nice things on the surfaces and people will project. Obviously, people wont reveal their dark secrets to you when you are not close to them. Life has a greater meaning to it than just about work and money. Some people are motivated by work and money and some others are motivated by family and social aspirations. The key thing is whether they are happy having a life the way they choose to have. For me, i am very grateful and happy with mine, BUT that does not pertain that i am contented at all. As i shared, my life aspiration is family and there’s no doubt that i will be proudly work my ass off in future to achieve my goals. I am no longer your teenage brother that you can just come once in 2 weeks to tell me what is best for my life. What both Ming and me would love is perhaps NOT being second to your wife for the 1st time ever since you know her JUST for an outing for all 3 brothers to share their lives and bond together? If you spend half your energy impressing your parents and brothers than impressing your wife, perhaps you might not be as isolated as it has been for years. Nobody pushed yourself to be in this situation but yourself. You claimed that you were not welcomed to my soccer team and that i have forgotten about you teaching me how to play soccer. God knows that you are welcome to Jaws but perhaps it’s you that make yourself feeling this way. Because you are not confident of your own blood’s love as you have much more faith in someone else. You hurt me so much by trying to ‘advise’ me, but i am strong and matured enough not to be affected by your words. I forgive you and i still love you as my elder brother. I love Da Sao too as she’s really a nice lady. But, really, instead of worrying about me, you guys really need to solve your own problems and stop causing any hurt to my parents. All due respect, it’s a problem that lasted over a decade and it is so serious because you cause grief to your own parents and worst of all, God is watching over all of us. As Papa says, God is all knowing and merciful to those who remembers him.

God gave me a precious life which i intend to live it to the fullest. If i go tomorrow, i want to make sure that i have no regrets at all as i do give my absolutely best to make all my loved ones happy. Life has many great battles and i really hope to overcome them and learn from them too. I can make plans, but God will have better plans for me. Faith is really what i want to strengthen in God and all my loved ones. For all the good in life, i am thankful and grateful of it. I truly appreciate all the good i get: best parents, great brother in Ming, Lovely Reen, adoring cousins and also a great soccer team in Jaws. Life showed me that when i appreciate good things, there are better things to look ahead for. Although i am aware for constant battles ahead in life, i feel brave to face those challenges because i have such good people in my life to support me whenever i need it. Even if i fail, i know that they will be there to help me back up. All these cannot be bought with money and i will never ever trade them for money. I thank God for these blessings and there’s no doubt in my 28 years of life, it’s simply the greatest gift of love.

Insyallah, i will continue to learn and prosper next year in 2010.

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SICK TO MY STOMACH

October 13, 2009 at 5:04 am (Inner Self, JAWS)

Well, i thought the 2nd half of last game for JAWS is bad. But what i read just moments ago really makes me sick to my stomach. Someone was having a ‘go’ at JAWS SC when we are down, an opportunist i must say. However, i am not one that will allow such cheap shots taken lightly at JAWS SC. After 24 games, which started back in late March 2009 this year, one half showing of broken fighting spirit doesnt mean that JAWS has weak mentality and lacked the tenacity to bite back!

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It’s been just one day after our dismal display but a lot of feedbacks gathered from many members of JAWS family. All of them are constructive feedbacks, none directing any sole condemning to any individuals. What really touches me is those players who admitted that they were off their game and the whole team is equally responsible for what happened. Not every team has players with such strong team spirit in defeat. Not every player can take such a beating like that on the field. Yet, these JAWS responded one by one and remained optimist of our progress as a team. Most are already showing eagerness to look forward to next game this Sunday for redemption.

I seriously dont care who is that onlooker who chose to revel in JAW’s misery, but what i really care is what can be done to improve JAWS on the pitch. I really dont get the mentality of some people at times, as they cant seemed to let go of the past. One should always reflect the positives and contributions as memories and not dwell on the negative ones. Thank God that i have players that has such positiveness and maturity as a sportsman.

Outside football, life has been pretty sweet with me spending loads of time with Baby and my family. The school term is going to start this week and it’ll be my 2nd last term of my bachelors. What lies ahead are loads of hard work and better time management between my family, Baby and my other activities.

Oh ya, i am pretty pissed with a family member of mine who failed to visit my place for Raya. I feel sad for my mother, really. Hopefully, she will not be hurt again. Family members should never be taken advantage of just because of the fact that we will always be related by blood. It still takes action to prove that you really value your fellow family members. As some people said, money can buy you loads of stuffs, yet it can destroy you too.

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Salam Aidilfitri to all!

September 20, 2009 at 11:29 am (Family, Inner Self)

Wow, it’s been ages since i posed my last ‘real’ entry. Since it’s Hari Raya today, i figured that today will be a perfect time to blog again! There’s a lot of stuffs that has happened over the last few months, which i hope to share during my blog today.

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First of all, Ramadan this year has been the most fulfilling in my life. In my quest to search for God, i challenged my own sincerity and managed to overcome a lot of obstacles during the course of the Holy Month. Although i believe that there is much for myself to improve after Ramadan, the past month has been much about spending time with my family and learned a bit more about Islam as a family. More importantly, my belief in putting God first, parents second in Life strengthened by a mile.

Besides Ramadan, Baby has been working very hard for SMRT. What really makes me happy is seeing her excelling in class and her being really happy with her job. Despite being with Baby for 6 years 8 months plus, this is the first time i really get to see her really enjoying her job! When i have a girlfriend who is tops in her training class, you can imagine how proud i am of her! Well done Baby and i love you so much! Continue to excel at work!

Lastly, i like to wish all my family, school mates and friends :

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!

May God bless all of us and May everyone enjoy this festive period!

Regards,

Ayyub

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Lisa’s Case

September 12, 2009 at 5:56 am (BES)

Date: 1st August 2009

For the upcoming individual assignment, we will have to develop a voice for Lisa’s sexual harassment experience while working for her company. Hence, we will need to write scripts and sort of make out the expected reactions that Lisa will give in the process.

Sexual harassment is taken extremely seriously in Singapore and despite that, that doesnt mean that it doesnt exists here. I cant help but worry for the safety of all women in the working world who have to deal with sexual harassment. The main concern is obviously for the women who does not speak up or dont know have to hanle with such unpleasant gestures. Some of the women might have the courage to stand up to tell off the men that this is wrong, while some women just dont have the capacity to react. It will be really interesting for me to create a script and i am already looking forward to it.

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Kevin Roberts and Daniel Goleman

September 12, 2009 at 4:53 am (BES)

Date: 22th July 2009

The 2 videos were about what emotions were basedand the following rational leads to conclusion. Kevin Roberts noted that the best way to learn and perhaps by failing. I cant disagree with that statement as i find my whole life is mostly full of such processes. One of the biggest problem i have since i was a kid is to contain my excitement or my anger. Since i am always a person who stays true to who i really am, it’s really tough to know when i should or should not release these emotions.

Kevin Roberts then proceeded to talk about having a ‘dream’ which leads to the establishments of goals and objectives of companies. It is also important for any business to contribute something positive in the world. As i have yet to own my own company or business, i wondered if the same can be applied for my own social soccer team that i am managing at the moment. Frankly, it did started out with a ‘dream’ before i proceeded to set goals and objectives on a six months term basis. After 3 months of managing my soccer team, i am overseeing several functions like financing, marketing, communicating and making any final decisions. At the same time, i delegate some duties to able partners of the team and things are looking for my team! If you are curious, please check out www.jawssc.com

The second video was about an interview with Daniel Goleman about his experience as a psychologist. I understood from him that it is important to show empathy as a great leader. By listening more from others’ perspective and then putting their outputs into ideas that suit your objectives and direction will produce a better result or performance. Social intelligence is about how well can one interpret other people’s emotions are showing empathy as well. I cant help but noticed that i do have quite a remarkable social intelligence and also a decent emotional intelligence. These are the qualities that help me to stand out as a leader in various aspects of my life so far: Love, Family, Football and School. I only hope that i can continue to further develop all of these components to be an outstanding leader one day!

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Secrets!!!

September 12, 2009 at 4:34 am (BES)

Date: 15th July 2009

Emotions certainly ran high during today’s BES class as we learnt about what are the different types of emotions we have and most importanly, how to control it. As the class was asked to pair up, Sya with my partner and Miss Suma asked one of us to go outside where she can tell us to share one secret that will definitely shocked the another! Then, the other partner will then be asked to keep asking the question why? So, i was the first one to reveal a shocking truth to Sya! The look on her face was really priceless as i could tell that she was so suprised to heard that! Hahaha…. However, Sya then recovered from it pretty quickly and started to bombard me with questions of why is it that way. Well, i really find the whole process hilarious because all of the students seemed to engage in loud conversations.

Later in the class, we were tested of how well can we control our emotions and i got a good score. I am pretty sure that a few years younger, i could possibly fail that test! BES is turning out to be fun after all!

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What makes a leader?

July 15, 2009 at 2:50 pm (BES)

Emotional Intelligence – EQ – is a relatively recent behavioural model, rising to prominence with Daniel Goleman’s 1995 Book called ‘Emotional Intelligence’.

Emotional Intelligence is increasingly relevant to organizational development and developing people, because the EQ principles provide a new way to understand and assess people’s behaviours, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential. Emotional Intelligence is an important consideration in human resources planning, job profiling, recruitment interviewing and selection, management development, customer relations and customer service, and more.

Mapping emotional intelligence to leadership traits

Emotional intelligence capabilities can be directly mapped to specific leadership traits. The following table illustrates this mapping and outlines the corresponding behaviors:

Emotional Intelligence (EI) and Related Leadership Traits
Competency Leadership Trait Behavior
Self-awareness Self-aware Know their weaknesses and strengths as well as how their behavior affects others
Self-regulation Level-headed

Comfortable with ambiguity

 Stay calm in the midst of turmoil and confusion

Can operate in environments of uncertainty where there are few guideposts
Motivation Persistent Maintain a positive, focused attitude in pursuing a goal, despite obstacles
Empathy Caring Empathize with other people’s needs, concerns, and goals
Social skill Humorous

Politically astute

 Know how to interject humor when the situation warrants it

Have a strong sense of their organization’s power structure, and know where to turn for the support and resources they need

Fortunately, since emotional intelligence is not genetic, strengthening your EI capabilities is possible. You can learn to improve your EI skills through extended practice, feedback from colleagues, and your enthusiasm for making a change.

Contemporary business leadership calls for generous portions of decisiveness, coolness under fire, and results-oriented thinking. It also calls for courage in the face of conflicting demands. The ability to make trade-offs between people, resources, money, and deadlines—often causing short-term pain for the sake of long-term benefit—remains a vital element of effective leadership.

Likewise, leaders must be future-focused; they must know how their group or unit fits into the bigger organizational picture. They must be able to efficiently organize short-term tasks according to long-term priorities.

Perhaps one of the most important responsibilities of today’s leaders is creating the conditions that enable employees to excel. To achieve this aim, the most successful leaders are also the most flexible: they have learned to adapt their leadership style to the situation.

There are now a number of models and questionnaires aimed at measuring Emotional Intelligence, often based on self-report questionnaires. However, this approach has obvious limitations in identifying levels of self-awareness.

The assessment of EI in leadership is complex. The use of simple self-report questionnaires to explore self-awareness has significant limitations. Team Focus approach the topic using a sophisticated variety of approaches including 360 feedback and experiential exercises. This brings the whole concept alive and allows individuals to go beyond their existing knowledge and comfort zones thus producing real impact, growth and change.

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Hat-trick, Transformers and Baby’s new job!

June 28, 2009 at 2:18 am (Inner Self, JAWS, Love, soccer)

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Ouch! My hamstring suddenly got cramped as i started this entry! Haha… Had one of those wonderful days that i used to enjoyed regularly in my teens: Scoring a Hat-trick. Strange as it really is, i played as a defensive midfielder and managed to get my 1st Hat-trick in almost 2 years! My biggest critic in football is probably myself and Baby now but it has been bugging me for some time now because i do have a decent scoring rate all my life. For almost 2 years, i played footie and whenever i score, it’s always one goal or a brace(2 goals) at most. Last month, Baby had a conversation about this and she mentioned that i always get substituted or took it too easy after scoring 2 goals in a match. I found that quite true but it didnt bother me at all because i always believe in my abilities and perhaps i am not as selfish as the striker i was in the past. However, the Hat-trick today has a very different yet special meaning to me. Firstly, all the 3 goals are dedicated to Baby who has been pondering about my scoring rate lately. But what really made me happy was seeing that glowing face of hers and with that, i knew how much i really make her day. Although i scored 3, i was really pleased with the rest of the players like Im, Hans, Ming, Shim, Kiran, Chee Hui, Ismadi and others because they simply gave their everything in the game just now. It felt almost like being in a war while playing in the 2nd half, as most of us were really shouting our heads off and urging one another to push ourselves to the edge of our energy levels. The main reason of the shoutings were because of one simple reason: the desire to win! It was just a friendly against a young competent and determined side. I remember very well their reactions after they managed to bring the scores level at 4-4! They were celebrating together wildly as though they have won the World Cup! But seeing them celebrating didnt put JAWS out, it brought out a piece of magic from Ming to get a penalty late in the game! Suddenly, JAWS were playing and constantly communicating actively again. I was stunned to be frank because that is exactly how much winning a social match means to the players! Respect for the lads and also i like to mention Baby, Haz, Darryl and the rest who came to watch JAWS in action. The whole experience with such comrades are worth more than a personal Hat-trick of mine. It means much more to me because i am able to share those moments with people i love!

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Last Thursday, Baby and me went to watch ”I Love You Man!” and ”Transformers II” @ GV Plaza Singapura. We are going to watch ”Transformers II” again! tomorrow and i really think that the movie is a blast! Not JUST because of having Megan Fox running in slow motion most of the time, but also because of a better storyline! Having more robots this time round was really cool for people like me who grew up watching ”Transformers” cartoon! I am sure that i will be getting the Blue-ray for this movie in future because of its superior audio and visual effects!

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Come Monday, Baby will be starting her new job@ SMRT. Honestly, i am feeling very excited and thrilled for her. She has always been such a wonderful other half of mine these 6years and coming 6 months. Looking back the years, i have seen her grow as a person and seems to be discovering her interests and hidden talents like taking awesome pictures. True is, the very first time i talked to her, i knew back then that she has immense potential to be a great wife and mother. As a person, she’s incredibly funny and loves to spend her time with her loved ones. More importantly, she’s smart and she is able to prioritise her life elements. Most of the time, she often underestimates herself. I hope to provide the best emotional and physical support for her and will spur her on to achieve our dreams in future. As i will be studying hard, she will be working hard to make ends meet. I just feel that we are about to embark on yet another new cycle together and God Willing, we will continue to treasure each other and overcome these obstacles like we always do. We might not be the best couple in the world, but we are just perfect for each other! Love you dear and whenever you fall, i will always be there to catch up and bring you back to your feet!

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My BES homework….

June 23, 2009 at 11:34 pm (BES)

After a very short week of holiday, i am finally back in school again for a new term. I have been wanting to take BES modules for like forever because i heard from my other course mates about the assignments and the module doesnt have an exam paper to do! Plus, Miss Suma was my lecturer for Marketing Communication from my last term and i am very keen to take modules that were taught by familiar lecturers. Another plus point for taking BES is being able to be in the same class with many of my other course mates like Faiz, Sya, Tom, Marco, Dee, Jerifin, Eric, Milli, Joleen, Stephen, Kelvin……( if i continue, you might fall asleep!)

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As soon as i arrived in the classroom, i took my place and straight away took the study books for the module. I initially took 2 books because Tom asked me to help to collect one for him as he had an ‘extended’ holiday back in his homeland, Vietnam. However, the fear of having not enough study books printed meant i had to pass Tom’s copy to another present classmate. Once everybody got settled, Miss Sumah began to explain the assessment of the modules as i listened attentively because it is my first time taking BES. Soon, we were asked to break into groups and share our thoughts about what another individual might think of us as a person. Obviously, i thought that it was pretty embarassing to tell others that the person i chose think very well of me. I sensed some of my classmates relunctantly participated as we happily allowed time to pass by. As a student, i love getting into discussions about exploring other perspectives and insights about some interesting subjects. Instead of getting to class to listen to the normal lecture, having discussions and learning from one another seems to be more productive in my opinion.

After the break, we switched classroom to a computer lab. The coolest thing about today’s lesson was in fact to blog! As i have been blogging for some time now, i was so pleased to know that my entries can be made on my own personal blog. Of course, i hope to learn as much as possible in future lessons so that i can put my knowledge into applications and enhance my skills and experience. As for my expectations for my next BES lesson, i hope to get into better group discussions and finalise my assignment group members so that we can start doing our work!

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Family has a tough year, hoping that we will overcome it eventually..

June 10, 2009 at 12:46 am (Family, Inner Self)

After months of countless assignments and the recent exams, i am finally having my one week break. JAWS has been growing well so far, but somehow the growth also made me even more paranoid about every little detail about the team. Although it’s been 2 months, we are doing very fine on the field and well supported by everyone connected to JAWS SC. Made the decision to make some developments with regards to the website and joining social leagues. However, budget is pretty tight and i really hope that a sponsor will be interested in assisting us as i believe that besides playing football every week, our communication strategies are increasing interactive and things can only improve with time.

All year, my family has been getting many problems. With my beloved grandma going to Boyan for some time, i hope by the time she comes back some of the family problems will be settled by then. Being the eldest at home certainly brought me more responsibilities and i am still learning how to improve as a son, grandson, elder and a positive influence. Nothing hurts me more than to see my own parents being sad and i also wish that things will turn out fine for my other beloved uncles and aunties that are facing a difficult phase at this moment. At least for today, i managed to be of some help to one of them and although i felt a little proud of it, i kept thinking that it’s God’s will. Talked to one of my cousin last night and somehow managed to gave him a piece of my mind about certain issues. All i want is really to emulate the respect and responsibility showed by our parents and to be that ‘bridge’ for my dear cousins to help them to cope with life and learning that family means more than everything, except God.

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I feel blessed to only worry about my studies currently with really understanding parents and girlfriend by my side. At least for the last semester, i can safely say that i am finding my ‘groove’ in studying finally. All of these seemed to signal to me that i can going through a very different phase in life before i really started working after my studies. Maybe the Almigthy is preparing me for the next stage? All bless to God that i am able to appreciate the finer things and people in life now. My passion in soccer involves in managing JAWS to greater heights, while my family status is developing very well. My relationship with my more-than-6 years sweetheart is beyond when i can asked for: understanding, considerate, patient and still full of love. My lovely cousins are growing as a group and still value our gatherings so much. My studies also improving with more time and effort while i do my best to remember and remind myself of God to be thankful for all the lessons in life and good things that happen for my family. I miss Abang and i really hope to catch up some ‘brotherly’ time outside together with Ming as well someday…

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Initially, i didnt think there was much to blog about and i was wrong. As for now, i will continue enjoying my short holiday and pray for the best that my whole family really manage to solve their domestic issues soon…

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Lastly, i just wanna say this ( i dunno why!) : Papa and Mama, i really love both of you so much. I will conceal the words to describe my gratitude towards the great job of up-bring me as a person for one special day. I can only hope to be as good as both of you being a parent myself in future. Thank you so much…

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